Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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