You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
