I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
