i love accidental penises.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
