I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize