I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
