pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize