Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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