It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
