If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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