My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
