We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Come on in and take your pants off
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