You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
