it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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