She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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