So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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