I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
