What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
