the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
