I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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