After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
