We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
