Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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