Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
