Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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