The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
