It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
