I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
