Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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