I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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