If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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