i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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