I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Are we still banned from the library?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
