Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
