what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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