his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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