Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
