so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
