Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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