im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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