About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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