got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
