I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
