the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize