i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
