Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
