I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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