My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
