Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
