I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
