i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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