It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
