The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You don't make any sense
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