Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
