I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
