i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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