I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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