And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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