Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
