Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
