I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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