I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
