you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
