She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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