Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
