she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
