you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
