i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
