I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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