Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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