so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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