Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
