She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
