new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
