btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
