I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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