I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
