and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
