I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
