whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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