Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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