Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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