Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
