somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
