Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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