DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
