probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
