if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
two words: eviction party
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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