i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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