he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize