just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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