Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
