I can't watch pbs sober anymore
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
