his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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