If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
