i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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