accomplished twins. life is a go
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
